This is the only photo I have of Gus and I. Earlier in the day I picked him up from Hollywood to go on a hike in Malibu. We wanted to get away from it all. As we got closer to the ocean, we couldn’t stop talking about how it reminded us of our home, Long Beach, New York. Gus and I grew up in the same town. Went to the same high school. We hiked to the top of the mountain. Looked over the ocean, forrest and houses. “We’re going to be rich one day.” “We’re both going to have a house there one day.” “I heard Rick Rubin lives right down there.” “Rick Rubin is from Long Beach, NY too.” “Yeah I know.” “I can’t believe we’re both in Los Angeles now.”We hiked down and I took him to this restaurant. The waitress, who had to be in her late 40’s, couldn't stop flirting with him. He showed her all his tattoos. The restaurant turned out to be way more expensive than I thought. It didn’t matter. We were in a trance. We got lobster. And drinks. And more lobster. And more drinks. Cortex was there too. We all agreed to do this every Sunday forever. Hike. Then come here to eat well out of our budget.That’s the last day I ever saw Gus. He ended up going to London, then straight to tour. After ‘Crybaby’ dropped I dreamed of being a part of his team. I talked to my friends all the time about how I wish I was officially involved. But he turned into a superstar over night and I couldn't have been happier for him. I’ll never forgive myself for not fighting harder to be by his side. I’ll never live another day not thinking about him. His mom and brother. His friends. Our friends. I am going to live every single day of the rest of my life for him until we both get that house in Malibu one day.